I apologise to anyone who saw my Instagram post from a few days ago and was expecting to see a post about my planner, but it’s bloody hard to arrange the metric fuckton of information I want to include in a clear, easy-to-read way when your brain isn’t remotely functional. I’m 99% sure I am going to film it instead. So, in order to stick to my goal of at least one post a week, this week’s blog is going to be about one of my totally lofty but probably still doable goals.
I want to become a roller derby girl.
Although it’s not immediately obvious when you look at me (what up, fatty boombah!), I love to move my body. I was somewhat of a ~sporty~ kid, and I even had distance running Olympic dreams at one point, but then puberty was all “Here, have some unreasonably large and terribly cumbersome milk sacks which you won’t find a supportive bra for until you’re in your late teens but by then it’ll be too late because you’ll be totally unfit and about to develop a couple of chronic illness!” Thanks, puberty. I’m not bitter at all! 😏
I can’t pinpoint exactly when I first learnt that roller derby existed, but I do believe it was after I fell ill, but before the movie Whip It was released, so somewhere between 2006 and 2009. I originally dismissed it as being super fuckin’ cool, but not something I’d ever be able to do because of my health, so I just admired it from afar. It appealed to me because it’s a sport with a fair bit of movement that wouldn’t be hell on the boobs, it attracts alternative types, can be played by big girls, and it’s a good way for my grumpy ass to work out aggression.
As my health became easier to deal with (I can’t say improved), I started considering it more and more. I looked into doing it back in New Zealand, but decided against it when it became clear that it was going to be an expensive hobby to have for an unemployed (financially dependent) disabled woman who was stuck in the mindset of “you suck, give up!”. When we moved to the Netherlands and I started working for the first time in forever, I started thinking about it again. I was less hesitant about it knowing I would be buying the gear with my own money so if my health or self-sabotage habit stopped me, the guilt would be limited.
So, last year… I bought some gear! My intention was to skate on my own for a few months, get my fitness up, then go to a Fresh Meat session with my local league. The toe stops were put on that plan when the second time I put my skates on just to mess around in my living room, I fell and hit my head. I was technically fine, but my health went absolutely haywire after that, I developed some serious (health) anxiety and I haven’t been back on my skates since.
However, Sam and I went to see a few live games of derby yesterday and I have a renewed desire to do the damn thing. I have a lot of work to do, and I still have a bunch of irritating health issues I have to work through, but I’m so over letting my shitty health spoil my fun. If I’m gonna be sick and in pain, I might as well be sick and in pain for a good reason!